No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
