You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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