I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
