You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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