If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
