haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
