I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
