So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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