On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
