Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Two words: nipple clamps
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