That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
