and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
