Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
