oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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