dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
