My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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