I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
