This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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