If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
