I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
