dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize