Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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