So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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