she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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