I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
