The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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