her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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