Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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