This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
