Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
