We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found the puke drawer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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