What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
