My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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