I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
