you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
