I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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