whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The best revenge is premature balding
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
