i think my mom watched the whole time
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
