Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love you.
Bad choice
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