idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
