I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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