just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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