Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
