dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
