I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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