I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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