You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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