Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
third nipple confirmed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
