Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
