"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
