You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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