my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize