a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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