Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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