True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
