i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
