I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
