I think I am morally bankrupt
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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