tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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