it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
