hotel room ftw
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
