New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
