Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
