let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
