all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
