coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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