you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
